[CH] La Grande Suprise de Ronnie McDonnie

Jace (jace.carter@xtra.co.nz)
Wed, 22 Apr 1998 13:57:59 +1200

Todays lunch as recollected by 'Nick'

La Grande Suprise de Ronnie McDonnie (serves: 2)


  4 x Big Mac Burgers, freshly purchased.
  1 x Red Savina Habanero, finely chopped.
  Habanero seasoning, to taste.
  2 x Banana Thickshakes, cold, milky.


  1) Lift top bun & patty off burgers.

  2) Liberally add finely chopped red savina and habanero powder.

  3) Replace tops of burgers.

  4) Pray to <insert deity of choice> for salvation.

  5) Eat serving (2x) of Big Mac's in under 20 seconds.
     (this is about how long you have before the burn
      gets out of control...)

  6) Paint small quantity of banana thickshake onto lips in
     a pitiful to extinguish fire from that point.

  7) Guzzle remaining thickshake in a vain effort to stop your
     cranium from combusting and setting off sprinkler system.

  8) Give up. Breathe on fire detectors, keeping mouth open and
     pointing at nearest sprinkler.

  9) Watch in fascination as clouds of water vapour evolve from your
     mouth with no noticable effect on the fire contained within.

 10) Feel something akin to Mt Vesuveus erupt from the back of your
     skull. Determint that this can't be a good thing. Black out.

 11) Wake up an unspecified time later and realise that you are dead.

 12) Meet Satan, who asks you to leave as your breath is making his
     domain too warm for his comfort.

 13) Wake up again. Back in your office this time, but with a large
     bloated, blistered slug in your mouth. Scream.

 14) Realise, after biting it to death and spitting it out, that the
     large blistered slug was in fact your tongue, now writhing round
     on the floor with some bizarre life of its own. 

 15) Shrug shoulders. Your tongue is no longer in your mouth and will
     be one less thing to worry about with tomorrows lunch.

Jace + Nick

who have just eaten their first Red Savina, and left wondering what to
with the 100 still to ripen........