RE: [CH] question for a big brain
Parkhurst, Scott Contractor (PARKHURS@LEAVENWORTH.ARMY.MIL)
Wed, 15 Aug 2001 20:27:26 -0000
Scene: Inside a courtroom, trial already in progress...
District Attorney: ...and furthermore, your honor, the state will prove
these actions were a willful violation of the Anti-Frankenfood Act.
Judge: You may continue this line of questioning.
DA (to witness): Now then, as leader of the Chile-Head Biological
Sciences project, or CH-BS, you were responsible for all design
enhancements?
CH-BS: Oh, yes. I had full approval for all bio-features in Cappy.
I even came up with a few myself.
DA: Cappy...?
CH-BS: Yes, Project Capsicum. We call it that for short.
DA: Right, then, whose idea was the increased capsaicin content to a
level of (shuffles papers) 11.4 million scovilles?
CH-BS: That was a team effort. Cappy was twenty times hotter
than a Red Savina habanero, you know!
DA: And the ability for "Cappy" to shoot streams of juice ranging
out to almost 30 meters?
CH-BS: It's a multi purpose function. It can lower the heat level
prior to harvesting when you want a milder pepper and eliminates
mucking around with grain alcohol when you need nearly pure
capsaicin. The "30 meters" part was for convenience, sort of a
long distance delivery system.
DA: I see. And the ability to uproot itself and lurch across the
countryside?
CH-BS: Ahhh, the enhanced mobility. In times of drought it could
move to an area with higher moisture content.
DA: Why not give it a deeper tap root?
CH-BS: And what happens when the aquifer is totally depleted,
Mr. Smarty-Pants?
Judge: The witness will show proper decorum!
DA: Thank you, your honor. Well then, what about the, ummm,
"arms"? And especially, the claws?
CH-BS: That's all part of the pest repulsion feature. The "arms"
were strong enough to deter the most determined groundhog. The
claws were super sharp to pick off aphids, white flies and hornworms.
DA: Hornworms? Why not include the Bt gene?
CH-BS: That was rendered ineffective through overuse years ago.
DA: But why did you activate the "thirst for human blood" gene?
CH-BS: Oh. That was a mistake. Sorry about that. Our bad.
Scott... in the interest of levity... KCK