[CH] There's Something about John

Parkhurst, Scott Contractor (SCOTT.PARKHURST@LEAVENWORTH.ARMY.MIL)
Mon, 23 Sep 2002 16:39:50 -0000 

   Something you should know about John J. Knoll,
illustrious host of the 6th (Almost) Annual Midwest
Hotluck:  He is VERY protective of his chile crop.
I mean, he is protective of the fruits of El Grande
to the highest level.  The protective measures I
encountered at the hotluck (EXCELLENT event!) were
well thought out and quite impressive.

   Starting off with a remote location, the address
being highly classified, divulged on a need-to-know
basis only, which is accessible only after navigating
a seemingly endless series of round-a-bouts and one-way
streets.  Unsurprisingly, egress from the site is not
simply the reverse of the ingress route.
   The outward appearance of a modest property belies
the true extents of the estate's actual size.  The 
garden is in the back yard, the yard being enclosed by
a security fence with an estimated height of 12 feet
(approx. 3.6 meters for Doug in B.C.).
   Inside the fence are a trio of attack dogs, on the
prowl for sight or sign of interlopers in the domain of
El Grande.  Rumor at the event was that they had their
teeth professionally sharpened and were trained to kill
on command.
   The chile patch is laid out in a protective landscaping
effort designed to prevent the casual observer from noticing
its existence.  If you didn't know it was there you'd swear
it wasn't.
   Further protection is afforded by an electric fence.
Multiple strands of high voltage wire estimated at 10,000 volts.
This figure was reached after noting the bug-zapper like
action of said fence whenever a hapless insect got within
18 inches.  The arc from bug to ground was most impressive
and the resultant smell of ozone was practically deafening.
   Greater protection is undoubtedly in the works.  I noticed
rolls of what could only be razor wire ready to be attached to
the top of the perimeter fence.  And the stack of punji sticks,
cleverly disguised as a box of toothpicks, fooled me for only
the slightest moment.
   In the event a potential defiler of this treasure trove of
capsicum delights gets in, he will not get out.  Apprehension
by John's SO (a duly appointed member of the local police force)
and prosecution by John himself (city attorney) would surely
result in conviction.  I dare not imagine what sentence they 
would ask the judge to hand down.

Scott... safely back home... KCK