Re: [CH] War On Louisiana
Harold James (mdspice@hotmail.com)
Thu, 01 May 2003 15:55:01 -0400
"Louisianians are like that," he added. Now you know that we are a peace
group until you mess with out food, hot sauce and motorcycles.
Mason Dixon Spice
www.mdspice.com
Eat It!!! Every Day!!!
>From: Rob Solarion <solarion@1starnet.com>
>Reply-To: Rob Solarion <solarion@1starnet.com>
>To: 2003@mystery.com, Chile-Heads List <chile-heads@globalgarden.com>,
> Forteana <forteana@yahoogroups.com>
>Subject: [CH] War On Louisiana
>Date: Thu, 1 May 2003 14:07:23 -0500
>
>>Not sure where this came from..
>>
>>> Subject: War on Louisiana
>>>
>>> In a speech that surprised even such high-level Republican
>>> confidantes as Bill Frist, Tom Delay and Britt Hume, U.S. Secretary
>>> of Defense Donald Rumsfeld today called on Congress to allow
>>> President Bush to proceed with plans for military action against the
>>> state of Louisiana.
>>>
>>> "We do not have the luxury of time to debate our strategy," Rumsfeld
>>> told a group that included members of the Senate and House Armed
>>> Services Committees, leaders of both houses of Congress, and selected
>>> members of the news media. "Louisiana has demonstrated, time and time
>>> again, that it is not interested in peaceful coexistence with the
>>> United States," the Secretary claimed. "The leadership there says one
>>> thing and
>>> does another. They tell the world that they have no desire to be
>>> aggressive, yet we have proof beyond a doubt that they are producing
>>> weapons of mass destruction, and that they would use them against us,
>>> especially if they had too much to drink."
>>>
>>> "Louisianians are like that," he added.
>>>
>>> When asked what types of weapons of mass destruction Louisiana had,
>>> Rumsfeld turned the podium over to Secretary of State Colin Powell,
>>> who produced a series of line drawings of Tabasco Sauce bottles and
>>> containers of cayenne pepper.
>>>
>>> "They have capsaicin," said Powell. "And frankly, "we have never
>>> before seen chemical weapons of this intensity. Each small bottle of
>>> Tabasco sauce contains 720 drops. A teaspoon of the stuff has 60
>>> drops. Two to
>>> three drops of capsaicin at these levels can disable someone, and
>>> five to six drops can cause choking, heart palpitations, respiratory
>>> decompensation, and even death. Four drops if the person is from
>>> Minnesota."
>>>
>>> Powell went on to describe Scoville units, the units by which pepper
>>> heat is measured, and said that the deadly chemical was produced in a
>>> remote part of Louisiana known as Avery Island.
>>>
>>> According to the dossier from which Powell read, when all four
>>> production lines of the Avery Island factory are in operation, over
>>> 450,000 bottles of Tabasco can be produced in a single day. "That is
>>> enough to kill every man, woman and child in the free world many
>>> times over," he said.
>>>
>>> Secretary Rumsfeld then returned to the podium and fielded questions
>>> about his new military directive, which he called a necessary assault
>>> on what President Bush is referring to as the Axis of Carville. "The
>>> President believes, and I agree with him, that no one in America is
>>> safe until Louisiana is disarmed," Rumsfeld announced.
>>>
>>> When asked about the possibility of sending UN weapons inspectors to
>>> Louisiana, Rumsfeld became impatient: "There you go again, with the
>>> inspection song and dance. Don't you think that hasn't been tried?
>>> Every
>>> inspector that was ever sent there wound up in New Orleans, and came
>>> back drunk and weighing an extra ten pounds. If you knew anything at
>>> all about Louisiana, you wouldn't be asking such an inane question."
>>>
>>> Asked about the possibility of allowing Louisiana time to disarm on
>>> its own, Rumsfeld said intelligence reports showed that if left to
>>> their own devices, the state's leaders would eventually distribute
>>> capsaicin
>>> throughout every major city in the United States. There are already
>>> more than a thousand Popeye's Fried Chicken franchises in the
>>> country, he said, and there are many other ways to introduce
>>> capsaicin to the
>>> population.
>>>
>>> "But what about Governor Foster?" a reporter asked. "Isn't he a
>>> Republican?" Rumsfeld smiled.
>>>
>>> "We're really not sure anymore, after the November election," he said
>>> "and anyway, his term will be up soon. And if you don't think Mary
>>> Landrieu knows about the Tabasco plant, you are more naive than even I
>>> could imagine."
>>>
>>> Later, at a briefing on the latest addition to the growing list of
>>> places the United States will attack, Press Secretary Ari Fleischer
>>> was asked if President Bush had visited Louisiana. Fleischer replied,
>>> "He thinks he may have been there when he was governor of Texas, but
>>> he isn't sure when. I think right now it's somewhat murky."
>>>
>>> "Louisiana has a lot of oil, Ari," Helen Thomas asserted. My
>>> understanding is that it has 18 petroleum refineries, 27,250
>>> producing wells, and is home to two of our four strategic oil
>>> reserves. Do you
>>> want us to believe that the proposed attack on Louisiana isn't part
>>> of the White House's plan to confiscate oil on a world-wide basis?"
>>>
>>> "Helen, it's certainly true that Louisiana has a crude oil reserve of
>>> 529 million barrels of oil, but the president has no interest in that.
>>>
>>> What he does have an interest in is the security of the American
>>> people, and that security cannot be maintained unless Louisiana is
>>> disarmed of its stash of chemical weapons."
>>>
>>> With that remark, Fleischer ended the news conference. Later,
>>> however, reporters had a chance to talk with President Bush, who
>>> invited some of them to the golf course. Asked if he thought an
>>> attack on Louisiana
>>> would be hard to sell to the American people, the president replied
>>> that American citizens were becoming more and more suspicious of the
>>> motives of foreign countries, and that they would not hesitate to do
>>> whatever
>>> was necessary to protect national security.
>>>
>>> When told that Louisiana was one of the fifty states, Bush nodded and
>>> said "God bless America." Asked about allegations that the White
>>> House wanted to attack Louisiana for its oil, Bush turned and faced
>>> the group.
>>>
>>> "I can assure you," he said, "I know all about the allegations. They
>>> are crawling around all the swamps in Louisiana. Some of them are >
>>> ten feet long. Make no mistake: we will hunt them down, and we will
>>> bring
>>> them to justice."
>>>
>>>
>>
>>B. "etouffee" Huerta
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