[CH] FW: The 8 Worst "Convenience" Foods

Ashkenaz, Scott (Scott.Ashkenaz@kla-tencor.com)
Mon, 23 Mar 1998 09:58:15 -0800

It seems that even chiles might not help this lot. After my 2 years in
Japan, I could probably add a few to the list.

scott@and all this before breakfast!

P.S. Carpo, welcome back.

> I can't believe they left Yak Butter off the list! Obviously an
> oversight.
> 8. Meeter's Kraut Juice (Stokely USA)
>  Yes, that's sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds.
> The
> taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed by its
> fans
> to have certain medicinal benefits (as a source of vitamin C, cure for
> intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up to a classic case of the cure
> being worse than the disease.
> 7. Guycan Canned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports)
> The best thing about this Uruguayan canned food is the very
> pouty-looking sheep on the package label -- he seems to be saying, "Go
> on, eat me already." The second-best thing is the presence of both
> "cooked mutton" and "mutton" in the ingredients listing, which would
> seem to have all the mutton bases covered.
> 6. Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy (Dial Corp.) 
> If you're really looking to clog up those arteries in a hurry, you'll
> be
> pleased to learn that a single serving of pork brains has 1,170
> percent
> of our recommended daily cholesterol intake.  All the more ingenious,
> then, that the label on this product helpfully features a recipe for
> brains and scrambled eggs.
> 5. Sweet Sue Canned Whole Chicken (Sweet Sue Kitchens, Inc.) 
> From its size (think growth-impaired Cornish hen) to its overall
> appearance (it's stewed in a quivering mass of aspic goop), this
> product
> may change forever your idea of what constitutes a chicken.  Gives new
> meaning to the old line about meat "falling off the bone." 
> 4. Musk Life Savers (Nestle Confectionery)
> You may think musk is a scent, but over in Australia, they think it's
> a
> candy flavor. A candy flavor that tastes disturbingly like raw meat,
> to
> be precise. But what did you expect from a country where everyone
> happily consumes Vegemite?
> 3. Blind Robins Smoked Ocean Herring (Bar Food Products - recently
> discontinued)
> Possibly the world's most bizarre prepackaged tavern snack.
> Interestingly, the product's titular robin isn't actually blind, he's
> blindfolded -- the better, presumably, to avoid looking at these
> heavily
> salted herring strips, which look like giant slugs.
> 2. Kylmaenen Reindeer Pate` (Kylmaenen Oy)
> This Finnish canned good may not be particularly tasty, but at least
> it
> answers the age-old question of why Rudolph was so eager for that
> safe,
> steady job on Santa's sleigh team -- he didn't want to end up a
> cracker
> spread.
> 1. Tengu Clam Jerky (Tengu Co.)
> Nothing you've ever consumed can prepare you for the horror that is
> clam
> jerky.  Still, this product does score a sort of conceptual coup: If
> you're the sort who's always found raw clams too slimy and gelatinous
> for your taste, these dried, shriveled mollusks will help you dislike
> clams on a whole new level.